Sure I was only married for a brief minute, but a lot has changed in the world of dating. From online dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and GAWD FORBID Plentyoffish (seriously), one thing is certain…it’s a shit show. I recall the first time I got talked into (not sure it took THAT much coercing) signing up for Tinder. First you have to create a profile where you talk about yourself.
What I wanted to write: Seriously. This is what my life has resorted to. Online dating. I’m bitter about my divorce. Still probably in love with my ex husband, if we’re being honest (which we probably aren’t because…well this is online dating). And truth be told, IF on the off chance I ever actually meet up with you, my friends will have already run a full background check on you, and will have definitely FB, Insta, and Twitter stalked you and your family. Also. Must like kids, but not have kids, and never want kids of your own.
What I actually wrote: Wine.
That. is. it.
Then you have to upload pictures of yourself. Lovely. The added seventeen pounds that came along with my divorce look amazing in photos. Let’s see. Which to choose. So I did what every girl does on social media these days- I used my best snap chat filtered pictures, obviously.
Then you judge people solely on looks. Oh, and their bio. Whew.
Listen, I know plenty of friends who have met wonderful people on these dating apps. I’ve met a very good friend through one. And really, is the idea of “first impressions” all that different than what we do in real life’s “traditional” way of meeting people?
And without these slummy dating apps, how are we Singles supposed to meet people? Gone are the days when friends set you up, or you randomly meet a nice (single) guy out. (And who wants to go out? It sounds exhausting, really.) Have you ever looked around and noticed how many ringless men there are? Let me tell you, they are few and far between.
I recently went to an event with thousands of people. I was with my church group, but came late the second day so I had to find a seat on my own. I spent the better part of the morning session making small talk during breaks with a guy sitting next to me. SUPER nice guy, also attending alone that day. Long story short, after the final break before lunch, he shares that he and his wife have five kids….*insert squealing tire sound here* Hold up. I had been talking to this guy for an entire morning and three hours later he mentions his wife and kids….WHERE IS YOUR RING, BRO? (PSA to all wives: your husband should be wearing a ring. Single gals have NO interest in men with rings. Single gals DO have interest in men without rings. Especially men who are capable of good conversation for half of the day! Without the ring, we do.not.know he’s married.)
Dating post-divorce is harrrd thus far. I’m proud to say that I’m no longer on an online dating app, thank God. I am realizing I have entirely too many other things to focus on right now than to be swiping left and right all evening. No shame in anyone else’s Bumble game though- do you Boo. (And find out if he has a single friend for your girl, Gretchen!)
(Second) Lucky Chance 