“We’re moving to Wabash.”
I remember calling my mom and telling her that I was going to start looking at houses in my hometown. I think she was slightly shocked, but she never said so.
Let me back up…
On my 34th birthday I came home from dinner with friends to a “FOR SALE” sign in my front yard. My husband, whom for some reason agreed to watch my kids for the night while I went to dinner with girlfriends, invited a realtor over, and had our first home listed before my girlfriends and I had even finished dessert. He moved out, claiming that he needed space and time to think about what he wanted, but one thing was certain, he was no longer living in Southwest Allen County with all the “yuppies” (as he so adoringly called ‘us’).
While he was comfortably nestled back in his childhood home, in our hometown, the kids and I managed our family home, the showings, and realtor drama. It was miserable. At the time, I really still thought there was hope for my marriage, and so after much prompting from my hometown friends and family, I began the house search in Wabash. I looked for homes that I thought would appeal to my husband’s “country” side. Land. Barn. Mature trees. A house with character.
And eventually I found it. Complete with a wine porch for Mama!
I put an offer on the house in March, and spent two full months completely redoing the house…paint, new granite counter tops, more paint, window treatments, back splash, more paint, and then some more paint. My husband slowly began coming around more, and even came to the house during the inspection so he could get a feel for what would need done, but never really agreeing that this was a good idea. In fact, quite the opposite. He discouraged me from moving to Wabash- knowing that I always said I would ne-ver move back to our hometown, and not wanting that pressure on him. Rightfully so. But I persisted. Because I was hell-bent on saving my marriage. No. Matter. What.
The kids and I packed and moved our 3000 sq foot home on our own, essentially. My uncle drove up and helped move a majority of my big stuff one evening, in the rain (shout out Uncle Dave). Sidebar: nothing felt more lonely than having to reach out to my dad’s brother for help moving. It hit me hard that day that I was alone- no husband, and no dad. It hit hard and it hit ugly.
The first night that I had possession of the new house, we had a bad storm that knocked out the power. My basement flooded and I had no other choice than to call my husband, who luckily rescued me. Memories like this remind me that he was around for some of this, and I wasn’t entirely crazy for making the move to Wabash. He was still invested in the marriage, at least slightly. Things like this also help me remember that he is a good man.
There were so many times that I questioned my move. I had uprooted my kids from the only place they had ever known. They moved away from their friends, our church, their school. Everything.
But I knew I had to give my marriage 100% or I would always wonder. You hate Fort Wayne? I’ll move. You hate the drive to work? I’ll buy a house closer to your job, and farther from mine. This was new for me- to make these sacrifices for him. And by this point, it was too late. He saw this move as insincere and fake. I didn’t see how it could get any more real!
He didn’t spend a single night in that house. He came over one time for dinner and wine (on that amazing wine porch), but he never moved in. And a month later, divorce papers were delivered to that Wabash house..the house with land, and a barn, and mature trees. None of those things mattered. Things never mattered to him. Actions did. And I had just made the biggest action I could have possibly made, and he still didn’t care. It was too late.
Here’s the thing. I can say with sincere conviction that I ignored my husband’s requests far too long. But, I can also say I truly thought that moving to Wabash was the grandest gesture to show my sincere attempt at making things right moving forward.
Though it ultimately ended in divorce, I have never once regretted making the move.
Stay tuned to hear some of our Wabash adventures….!