The first half of 2020 has proven to be full of surprises, month.after.month. I am truly ready for a solid Ross Geller “PIVOT!” at this point! March brought the dreadful COVID-19, which came with changes at work, school, socialization, and well…everything! What we all thought would be a brief adjustment to our normal routine has become a new way of life. We’ve seen the country explode due to one social injustice after another. We’ve seen a passion from our friends and family that we never saw before, and felt a burning call to movement in our own souls that we never felt before- or if we did, we were able to ignore it. Now we can’t (and we shouldn’t).
In our house, we’ve endured heartaches in the form of two more miscarriages, we’ve experienced celebrations in the form of work promotions, we’ve made memories with the kids by way of vacations and staycations, and have put our finances to good use in the form of multiple home updates! As we are close to wrapping up the first month of the start to the second half of this insanely chaotic year, I am choosing a second word of the year.
When March happened, and shut downs and quarantines started (and then lingered), I can honestly say I was embracing it. For someone who loves her alone time (and please hear me say- I STILL DO!), I was actually (and surprisingly) LOVING the time working at home with Ryan, and having the kids at home 24/7. As we now navigate this back-to-school/reopening plan, I must admit I’ve considered homeschooling these alien children more than once, just to keep them home with me! (Could be that I forget how dreadful eLearning was for those four months, I don’t know!) And even though I am lucky enough to work fully remote now, Ryan has gone back to an office…and I have to say, I liked my days way more when he was home all the time! So now that life is starting to go back to “normal”, I am working to embrace the “old” way of life again…with the kids at school, and my husband at work all day.
Work has been incredibly different, and I’ll spare you all the details, but I am proud of my husband’s promotion to VP of Operations, and look forward to my new role once things get rolled out. Again, another big “PIVOT!” moment- at a time when this all started we were concerned what our future with our company would look like. Now we are hopeful and excited for the future!
Recently we endured our second miscarriage of 2020. Bleh. The thing I’ll say is this- we are finally at a point where we’re ready to PIVOT in our outlook and “plan” of growing our family (right now). And believe me, this is not a decision (errr…an acceptance) that has come easily or without a lot of tears and prayers. Before our second miscarriage, I was really digging deeper into the Word and trying to really grasp for any answers. The morning I was to get some test results, I wrote down “No matter what…God’s plan is perfectly designed for US.” And it piggy-backed on something I had read or something we had studied earlier that week- Isaiah 55:8-9. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
So let me explain how this piece of humble pie hit hard then in May, and again in July as we experience what is now our third miscarriage since we’ve been married. I am so incredibly thankful for the God who protects my body from an unhealthy pregnancy. I am so incredibly thankful for the God who KNOWS what is best for me and my marriage and my husband, because if I was in control, I’d go full-force at this pregnancy. I’d get to be pregnant along my bestie sis-in-law, I’d get to experience all the beauty that a pregnancy with the most loving husband brings, I’d get to have it all…or at least that’s what happens in MY version of the perfect plan. THANKFULLY, God knows the better plan. And I am finally at peace, pivoting in my mind, that there is beauty in a different plan. One that includes traveling with my husband and kids, remodeling a house to make it a loving home, growing in my marriage and as a mom to teenagers (ya’ll, that is no joke in and of itself). I am truly thankful for the faith in my God, who knows the perfect plan for my family. And mostly, being humble enough to know that MY plan is not THE plan.
As a self-proclaimed control freak (shocking, I know), I have felt a calming peace in our future. I am finally “letting” God take the reins, willingly giving them over to Him (I know I know…I never REALLY had control, but ssssshhh!).
No matter how this back-to-school season goes, or how many hours my husband works, or how many friends and family have babies around me, I am at peace with this decision we made to pivot our focus to something different than what WE planned.
Here’s to the final months of 2020,
and for future Ross Geller quotes in my blog!