Right girl. Wrong time.

Recently I went on a spring break trip from hellllll. And not because I got a horrific sunburn that put me out for a few days.  GAW, I wish that was the case. But rather because events happened that forced me to truly look at my decision-making. And so, I was in a completely different environment, essentially alone, and had to call one of my very best friends to rescue me from a situation I was never supposed to be part of…

Let me back up.

I sat on my closet floor, in tears, 30 minutes before I was to leave for Siesta Key, FL. My (now ex) bf, was on his way to get me and I knew with every fiber of my being that I was making a mistake in going on this trip. So many things had transpired over the previous six months, and daily I knew I was not spending time with the man I would spend forever with. And while that sounds incredibly dramatic (I’m aware), it is something that still torments me- I shouldn’t have knowingly wasted time on the wrong person. And I say  this with 100% confidence he would say the same things about me- and feel entirely the same way.

This wasn’t just “dating”…we were really trying to do life together, and as hard as we both tried to make it work- we both knew it wasn’t going to. And nothing we could do was going to change it.  And so…we pushed through…for six months. Wrecking each other, hurting each other, and breaking each other.

One month removed from the situation, I can say this…

He is a good man. He deserves great things. He is just not the man for me. He is someone who made me feel again. Someone who opened my eyes to compromise, to communication, to sacrifice. He is someone who made me realize how I should be treated, and what not to accept. This was a relationship that made me aware of what is okay- made me realize if something feels wrong, it probably is. He made my realize that an eleven year old little girl has incredible instinct- and that sometimes, she’s not just being dramatic- that she really believes and feels and trusts herself and her gut. This relationship taught me to take care of myself- to listen to what I know I need and want, and if it falls short of that- it’s not the right relationship. Being a good fit for someone else, does not necessarily make him a good fit for me. I realize that I went backwards- I fell for someone who superficially fell for me. Any self-improvement I had done previous to this relationship, I ignored and regressed, instead. I knew my soul was unhealthy, and I knew I was allowing it all to happen. One month removed, I can say that I am absolutely okay. I am more than okay. I was quite possibly the right girl at the wrong time.