Friday night I got a super sweet message from an old cheerleading friend. For whatever reason, I’d been on her mind, and she kept feeling the desire to pray for me, and she kept feeling the word “patience” on her heart for me. This also comes on the heals of another friend (who happens to be our family/wedding photographer and a livelong friend of mine), who chose to do a weeklong fast “for” my fertility. First let me just say, when someone texts you out of the blue that they’re feeling a tug to pray for you, wow, God is doing some deep work. When a friend CHOOSES to do a fast for you and your struggles, it’s beyond humbling. There are just no words what these two friends have done to my heart this week.
It forced me to look at my lack of patience in so many situations. Not only have I continued to, month-after-month, struggle with not getting pregnant again, but I also have some serious issues with doing things on anyone else’s timing. I prefer a very set schedule, well-known to all those involved, and in a perfect world, I’d love to see it on a fresh sheet of lined paper, written in one of my favorite Papermate pens, and in my own handwriting. I truly don’t think I’m asking too much, amIright?
Being in our home nonstop for over a month has also brought to light many of it’s imperfections. It’s many flaws that I just can’t spruce to life. It’s bare walls and drab existence that just beg for character and stories of a marriage that loves well and a family who enjoys their time within it’s walls. And so, I’ve been adding and adding and adding and adding and adding and.. you get it….to a list of things that just need changed in our house. And we’ll get to all of those things. It’ll just take one thing. T.I.M.E.
The fact that my friends are praying for me means so much to me. And it truly jolted me into taking a look at myself. Am I praying for my fertility issues? Am I praying for my health? Am I praying for my future? Am I being patient and TRUSTING God’s timing?
My husband challenged our family to pick a verse of the day and to write down what it means to us, or why we chose that particular verse. This morning I wrote Romans 8:24-25. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
My prayer is that my heart can trust God’s perfect timing…that I can trust that if/when we have a baby, it’ll be because God has cleared that path for us…that I can trust that this house is much more about the things on the walls or the furniture we sit on, but more about the memories we make together in it, and some of that just takes time. My prayer is that in the waiting, I can be fulfilled by the love of Christ and the love of my family…because I have both of those things right now. May I not be so obsessively planning for the future that I miss out on who and what I have at this perfect moment.