When I decided to start writing again, it was absolutely for my own benefit. I write to release, to vent, to process. Hearing from any of you, reading my blog, about how my words help you, is just icing on the cake! Naming my blog (Second) Lucky Chance is not something I fully thought through when I first got back into the Blogosphere. At the time, it was just a way to incorporate my original blog, while announcing my “comeback” (obviously I use that term loosely, as I know I have approximately 5 whole followers, 4 of which are family, LOL)! Almost two years back into writing, I feel a whole new appreciation for the word “second” and the impact the word has on me.
Second chance. Second love. Second chapter. Second marriage. Second family. None of which I thought I needed, wanted, or would have. Yet, here we are a little over a month from my second wedding, and I couldn’t be more grateful for this life and these “seconds”.
Yesterday I stumbled upon a quote that hit hard for me.
“Dust doesn’t have to signify the end.
Dust is often what must be present for the new to begin.”
And let me just tell you about the literal dust we’ve got in our home at the moment. First, after a couple years living as a bachelor, my darling fiancé has some significant dust build up in his home. (He needs me, ya’ll!) Add to that the drywall dust from a bathroom and basement renovation, and you’ve got a full on dust-shit-storm. I’ve struggled over the past month with leaving my squeaky clean (in comparison), newly-built, perfectly-me home, to transition into the Dust House.
Then there’s metaphoric dust. And we have our share of that, as well, let me tell ya. The idea of getting a second chance at love is beyond thrilling to me now, especially because it’s alongside Ryan. But it isn’t always easy because we both have a past of disappointment, betrayal, pain, loneliness, isolation, heartache, and much more. There’s also a past of happy times, great memories, other families, vacations, friendships, and love. We both have dust from our past that affects both of us differently and at different times.
So when I read this quote, I realized that I am actually thankful for the dust- both literally and metaphorically. (Ryan if you’re reading this, this does NOT mean your cleaning skills are up to par. You still have to dust the house!) The literal dust in the house signifies a new basement living room for our kids to play and make memories with friends. It’s a space where we’ll watch movies together as a family. It’s the dust of a renovated bathroom for our teenager, and for our guests that we’ll host. It will be the memory of our very first home project together that is so TOTALLY US. And even the dust that Ryan forgets under the couch- it signifies the man I get to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
The metaphoric dust will be stuff we’ll forever be thankful for, because though it was never part of our original plan, it led us to each other. I am THANKFUL for his past. I am THANKFUL for my past. Every single heartache, obstacle, and opportunity has lead us to this relationship with each other, and I am THANKFUL for that. I am THANKFUL we’ve learned from our past, and get this second chance to write a second chapter in life.